So exactly who am I here? There’s a story unfolding around me and I’m caught in the middle. The POV is my POV, is the protagonists POV, but I’m finding that I’m making decisions in this POV that I wouldn’t make. Walking to places I would never walk. And there isn’t the comfortable detachment given to me by a distancing frame — an over the shoulder shot where the POV is the protagonists, but my POV is that of observing the POV from an outside vantage.
So exactly who am I here? Suddenly I’m running, when I would not choose to run, or standing still when I would definitely be running. I’m not in control of my actions, because my actions are someone else’s actions supplanting and replacing my own. They become, in essence, my actions done to me. It’s as though everything I experience is taking place in a meta narrative where everything I see and hear are the experiences of someone else.
So exactly who am I here? Certainly not someone with agency. And not someone with self determination. I am not exercising my free will, I’m exercising the will of someone else – someone unseen. I’m trapped in someone else’s story. And while I’m experiencing it as though it were mine and real, my experience of it is dissociative and decidedly unreal. And my experience of it as a phenomenon, is anything but my experience of the proffered narrative.